How to Fail an Essay about Myself in 5 Quick Steps

How to Fail an Essay about Myself in 5 Quick Steps

It might seem that failing your essay about myself is close to impossible. After all you know everything about the subject and you can give plenty of arguments to defend your position.

However, you still can do it. All you need to do is to take the following 5 quick steps (or at least some of them).

⬆️ No Strategy

Who cares about those plans and outlines? They’re for snobs only. Simply write down every thought crossing your head. Make it a stream-of-consciousness style:

“I remember a sunny day when I came to school for the first time. The sky was blue like a baby’s eyes. My nephew had eyes of the same color when he was younger. I could look into his eyes forever…”

Just like that. Jump from one story line to another one. Don’t hesitate to surprise everyone with unpredictable associations. It’s okay if even you don’t know what you’re driving at.

A failure is guaranteed.

❌ No Thesis Statement

C’mon it’s so awkward to speak about your good sides directly. Simply throw junks of information at your readers and hope that they’ll be able to make the necessary conclusions by themselves.

🔍 No Detail

Avoid too much detail. Use only general phrases to make sure that everyone likes it. The following clichés can be your surefire way to failure:

  • some;
  • certain;
  • a couple of;
  • several;
  • very;
  • It is commonly believed that…

😳 Extremes

Another proven method is to choose an extravagant position and shock everyone with your sincere confessions. Thus, trying to attract everyone’s attention, you may want to write something of the following:

  1. A story how you had problems with the police (even if you regret it);
  2. Your unusual extremist political or religious views, if any;
  3. Your negative attitude to ethnic or sexual minorities, if any.

Feel free to astonish everyone – and your failure is in the bag.

👍 Self-Promotion

As you know, your personal statement is your chance to sell yourself. So, all is good in love, war and your memoir. Simply tell everyone how amazing you are. Never mind any arguments. You don’t have to explain why you’re too good for their educational establishment. After all, why don’t they believe your words?

So, using any and especially all of the strategies discussed above will help you fail your essay about myself with minimum effort. Enjoy!

Comments (2)

Hey David,

What attracted me is the extremes! Great ‘argument’ and info there since human are basically ‘one sided’ to these cases. Extremely great way to drive more attention!

Great writing and keep it up!

David Tucker

Interestingly, going into extremes is a true story with some of the applicants. It’s one of those cases when too much extravagance isn’t necessary. Knocking down the committee will surely attract everyone’s attention, but it’s not what you need for successful application. Thanks for your attention to our blog and for taking your time to leave this comment. Have a nice week!

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